well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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