My liver just broke up with me...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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