Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
