i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
