3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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