I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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