i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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