I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you would pick up someone in the library
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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