Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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