hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
