Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
