Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
