you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
