I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
