yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
