got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
