I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
