I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
