have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
