you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
