96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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