oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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