end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
