no, he came in my armpit
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
