If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
