woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
