Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
