did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
