whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
