I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
