Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
