If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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