This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
