Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm like, not good at living.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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