I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
