come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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