Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
