i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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