So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
