guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
