i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
