i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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