I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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