He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
