I'm really into asian looking animals
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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