You smell like a Billy Joel song
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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