Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
