I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
