I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
