____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And then he peed in my hair
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