I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
