I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
