38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
