Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
