He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
