I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
