Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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