lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
