Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's rum buckets o'clock
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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