I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
