All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
