who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
