i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
