He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
