know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
