she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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