Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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