it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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