Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
