He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
