Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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